Chill. Calm. Laid Back. Spirited. Rambunctious. Pensive. Wild. The list goes on. These words have all been used to describe one child or another. I feel incredibly blessed that my daughter (age 2.5) is fairly laid back. She’s more on the sensitive side, and she certainly takes some time to come out of her shell (but look out when she does!). My husband is the same. However, ironically I’ve been told that I too am laid back, and pretty chill, and therefore I should expect the same from my son as well (9 mths)….. I’m sorry – WHAT? Do you know me AT ALL?
It’s funny how we see ourselves so differently from how others perceive us. I love to believe that I’m a laid back person. The truth is – my brain could not be more opposite! I literally drive myself bonkers every minute of every day – thinking, planning, questioning, and analyzing every little detail of life. It rarely stops.
Have I always been this way? Honestly, I don’t know. Becoming a Mom has certainly heightened my Insane-o-Meter though, and I can finally understand why we all describe our Moms as “crazy”….because WE ARE! Something happens to us during those 10 (yes 10) months of pregnancy, and there’s no valid explanation as far as I’m concerned. It sucks! I know I’m not alone, but this mom-thing is F’ing HARD!!!!
Being a Mom isn’t one of those things I wake up and say “I got this”. Being a Mom is without a doubt the most challenging, intense, and exhausting gig in this world. There’s no rule book, or instruction manual, and for some reason our parents advice is never really trusted because, what do they know anyway? So much has changed! Golly, there are days when I can’t help but shake my head and wonder how on earth I’m going to get through this rollercoaster. The really twisted part of being a parent, is that every child is different! So you can read all the books, talk to all the moms, google the shit out of everything and read every babycenter forum that ever existed, but nobody else knows your kid and your situation better than you. Then, when you think you’ve got it all figured out, your kid changes. Yep, trying to figure out WHAT or WHY is an endless battle.
The top 3 topics that I have found to bring out the most crazy are: Sleeping, Eating & Tantrums. I am almost certain that every single new mom has googled “how to get my baby to sleep longer?”, “how to get my child to eat?”, “why is my toddler acting like a jackass all of a sudden?” (ok, maybe this one is worded slightly differently).
Everyone in the cybersphere claims to have an answer to these questions…and everyone has a different opinion of what will work. I am 9 months in to child # 2 and quite honestly, I still could not answer any of these questions without a huge degree of variability and I would never guarantee the desired outcome. The fact is – children are completely irrational, illogical beings that are not intentionally trying to make us crazy! They are also constantly growing, learning, and changing. (Remind me I said this the next time I blog about why my son won’t sleep, or my daughter won’t eat even a single bite of her dinner.)
I want to believe that Mom’s become crazy through learning what unconditional love truly is. We want the absolute best for our children and as a result, we sacrifice our own sanity. We have a super duper important role to play in our children’s lives, and we absolutely will screw up. For me, this is a massive fear of mine – but also something I have to learn to accept. I know that I stress out about a lot of things related to being a Mom, and depression and anxiety has reared its ugly head in my life as a result. I’m working hard on making small changes that help with this struggle, and I know that the best thing I can do is to take some of the pressure off of myself and trust that my intentions are good, and my love is strong. When all else fails, just blame the “mom brain”.